Be All of the Above

10 Important Lessons Learned in Writing My First Book



I’ve written a new self-help book, just for you!

As promised in last month’s “Free To Be” blog post “12 Keys to Self-Love” , I have an exciting announcement!…

As of TODAY, my first published book, My Vibrator AND My Rosary: Learning to Love All the Dichotomies of You, is now released for sale! Consider this blog post its first official promotion and grab your copy by clicking below!

What is My Vibrator AND My Rosary all about?

This book is all about personal empowerment and SELF-LOVE It is a discussion of the perceived contrasts, extremes, and contradictions that beautifully exist inside us. Its pages are filled with stories and lessons to help you get comfortable loving ALL the dichotomies of you. It’s about uncovering, discovering, and recovering yourself from yourself; and learning to appreciate your “whole” instead of segregating your parts.

We are accustomed to studying the love languages for the sake of our relationships with others. But the MOST important relationship you have in life (besides the one you have with your Creator), is the relationship you have with YOU! Now is the time to accept and embrace every quirky and complex aspect of your being. And when you truly do, love itself will be the only language you ever speak to yourself!

My Vibrator AND My Rosary will inspire and assist you in recognizing that you are not alone in your uniqueness. Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are as exclusive as you are. And they are worthy of being thought, felt, and experienced, without apology. This book encourages you feel FREE to be yourself, laugh at yourself, and never fear sharing your authenticity with others.

I’m so excited to share!

I’ve been so excited for this book release day to come! And in honor of the significance today has for me (and hopefully for my readers too), I wanted to share with you some of the valuable life lessons I’ve learned in my 2+ year journey of becoming an author.

My writing process became a metaphor for my life… a beautiful reminder of the things I should remember in every aspect of daily living. What I’m sharing in this article is for everyone who has a dream to attain, or a goal to accomplish. I hope these 10 lessons give you some wisdom and inspiration that you might need to help you on your journey of accomplishment too!

Lessons For Life

Lesson #1: Follow your calling.

I always knew I would write. I just never knew when, or what I’d write about.

When I was young, I discovered a love for words. I never minded vocabulary assignments and thesaurus projects. I enjoyed reading fiction and poetry. And was attracted to Shakespeare and the classics. I always felt emotions deeply and enjoyed contemplation and discussion of spiritual and philosophical matters. In college, my favorite class (which was completely outside my major and minor programs) was “Personal Essay”. I found writing to be a therapeutic and healing modality for my busy life. As a young professional, I continued to journal and outline concepts in order to keep my mind and work organized.

That journaling turned into an indexing of ideas and curiosities that I naturally found myself conversing about with others. And as an entrepreneur, I’ve never been without a personal development or self-help book to help me learn more about myself, and how to become a more effective, productive, positive-minded person.

My first and perhaps most important point to share with you, is that you’ve ever felt a call to write (or do anything else otherwise in your life), do not ignore the message! Childhood visions don’t go away. Sometimes, it just takes time for our visions to become clear, and to give ourselves permission to pursue those visions.

You must always believe that dreams can become reality. If you have big dreams, you can rest assured they will not happen overnight. But they WILL happen, when you set your mind to them. We are never really “ready” for all the big things that will happen in our lives. But we are ALWAYS ready to take just one small step toward what we are called to do.

Lesson #2: Decide to begin. Then, just keep going.

Writing a book (like so many other life goals) simply starts with solidifying your thoughts. And the best way to do that, is to get those thoughts down on paper! Writing your goals down makes them “real”. If you want to write a book, continue your education, move to a new city, or start a new relationship, action is key! Just decide. Act. And keep going.

I would have published books and articles way before now, if I would have gotten out of my own head. Throughout my book development process, I had to remind myself over and again, to stop overthinking, resist organizing (and reorganizing) my thoughts, and quit editing my work as I wrote. I learned to “free-write”, so that I could restructure, copy/paste, delete and add content whenever I needed. As long as I kept writing something (even if there seemed to be no fluidity or flow to it), I’d eventually understand where and how those thoughts, sentences, paragraphs would be structured in my final work.

Life is the same way. Remember, drafts are NOT supposed to be perfect! And neither should we expect our life journey to be. The process of successful completion of anything, is filled with moving parts, meant to be changed and adjusted throughout the experience. So, don’t take yourself too seriously when starting a new project. Just allow yourself the gift of expression, and a little at a time, your life will become a book of art.

Lesson #3: Find your flow.

My greatest writing challenge is to find the “time and space” to write. Every writer is different. And everyone’s life is structured differently. Some people can knock out a thousand words at a time during their lunch break at work. Others can complete a book start-to-finish in one focused weekend. I needed to go away for several days at a time, only about once a month, in order to finish my book. My writing become a version of self-love.

There is no right or wrong way to go about your days and accomplish your goals, whatever they are. But there is one thing I know for certain… that we should never rush or delay our own process. How or when we do things might look crazy to someone else, who accomplish their goals differently. But everything you are meant to do, has a way of getting done, in its proper time.

Take the time YOU need to work, play AND enjoy your life’s journey. I always say that I have my timeline, and God has His timeline. And when our two timelines meet is the PROPER time. If you’ve been called by God to do something, then He will also help you find a way to get it done, when it’s supposed to be done.

Our greatest job is to “go with the flow” of life. When reflecting back on most days, we can usually see that they didn’t go exactly as we had planned. However, we should always feel confident that what needed to get done, did. Keep your faith and keep flowing. Tomorrow will bring a new day for tomorrow’s work to be accomplished. And in the end, all of our books will be perfectly written.

Lesson #4: Understand your own reasons

Whatever you choose to do with your time and talent, I encourage you to have a strong, passionate purpose. We are capable people, with so much opportunity for success. But just because we are able to do something, doesn’t necessarily mean we should.

Are we choosing to write (or insert whatever your goal is) for self-fulfillment, charity, personal challenge, to help others, to solve a problem, to bring inspiration, to fill a need, to educate ourselves or others? Whatever your reasons, if you are passionate about their meaning, you will surely enjoy the journey AND the outcome.

I wrote a book for a few reasons:

  • 1) I was heeding a call I always knew I would do some day. I paid attention to a “sign” from the universe that my time was “now”, so I went for it!
  • 2) I have always believed that there is value in sharing stories and thoughts. And I knew I needed to share my insights on a grander scale.
  • 3) My passion and mission in life has always been to help people find self-love, self-confidence, self-acceptance, peace, joy, and empowerment in their lives. And writing this book was a new avenue to do so for them.

Being happy and finding joy is intimately connected to living out your purpose. As I wrote the content of My Vibrator AND My Rosary, I became even more passionate about encouraging others to love themselves. My purpose for this project was to give permission for people to courageously accept who they are and are becoming, letting Spirit lead them in their journey. And as you learn to love yourself wildly, you will find more joy, peace, and humor than ever before.

Lesson #5: Write your “book of life” from the heart.

When you choose to “put yourself out there” to the world (whether it’s in a personal relationship, or in a public forum), it takes courage to be transparent and share your heart.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), God did not call me to write a book of fiction. Instead, He knew I’d be sharing personal stories and experience with an unknown audience, who are totally capable of “judging a book by its cover” (no pun intended). Haha!

Writing this book has stretched me to a place of vulnerability I’ve never quite been before. And what an incredible journey it has been! Watching this goal come to fruition has required me to do my best to be fully me (exactly the themes of the book), because whoever is meant to receive my words deserves to see my perfectly imperfect self in its message.

One of the most obvious signs of an empowered existence is the willingness to let your heart lead whatever you do. I’ve learned that letting your heart lead is the ONLY fulfilling way to live and work, as scary as it may be. Leading with your heart takes a trust in yourself, and in a higher power that literally created you to be amazing! So let your heart lead you straight to success… you will not be disappointed.

Lesson #6: Resource the right people

I’ve always considered myself good at a lot of things, but Master of nothing. My choice to write on the concept of self-love, is because I’m confident that loving myself is one of my strengths, gifted to me by the Holy Spirit. And because teaching is always something I feel good at.

But just because I can write a book about self-love, doesn’t mean I know how to design, edit and format a book. It doesn’t mean I know how to promote, market, publish and sell a book. It doesn’t mean I know how to merchandize supporting products, network in the authorship fiends, or grow a readership audience. I am certainly not an expert in social media, website development or SEO!

As much as I completely admire DIY people, I cannot imagine having to figure everything out myself. I am totally smart enough to learn anything. But I’m also smart enough to know, that I don’t know what I don’t know. And I am able to evaluate what can be delegated vs. what I choose to spend my time learning to do on my own.

Whether I’m writing a book or doing a home improvement project, I always recommend resourcing a team of experts to help you achieve your endeavors with quality. After all, it takes a village to be successful in life.

So, who are your villagers? Who is in your tribe? Who will help you become successful? Through this process, I have learned to appreciate my own strengths, and also seek out the expertise of others who can help support my dreams. I recommend you consider doing the same. (TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More)

Lesson #7: Stay empowered.

This lesson is short and sweet… feed your soul, so your Spirit can soar!

Big projects can take a lot of time and emotional effort. I wrote my book over a 2+ year period, from concept to completion. Spending that much time on a goal can be challenging. But I have learned that taking care of yourself is vital to success in life.

When I feel overwhelmed, I allow myself to get quiet. When I’m tired, I rest. When I need to get away from it all, I book a stay at the beach. When I need stress management, I go to the gym and push some weight. When I need fun, I call friends for a night out on the town.

As many opinions as you ask for, and as many experts as you seek council with, my greatest recommendation is this… Listen to advise. But decide with your Spirit. You know you are in an empowered place when you can receive feedback from others as data points, and consider them. But you do not need to rely on outside feedback to make decisions. You can decide for yourself with confidence, whatever you know is best. Because only YOU understand the big picture of your vision.

Remember that your vision is yours alone. And you are fully capable of deciding what your end result will look and feel like. Be BOLD and take chances (I have rosary wrapped around a vibrator on the cover of my book, for goodness’ sake. Talk about taking a chance of turning someone off, or perhaps turning someone on.) Lol!

But, whatever! Feel the fear and do it anyway (whatever “it” is). Go with your gut, and do not let anyone or anything deter you from what you think is the right thing to do for YOUR dreams and spirations. You can do anything you set your mind to!

Lesson #8: Enjoy the journey.

Writing a book has taught me so much I didn’t know before. I’ve learned about myself and others. I’ve learned about new industries and technologies. I’ve learned so much that my head spins on most days.

But most importantly, I’ve learned there is so much richness to putting yourself in new situations. Always be prepared for new information. Always be teachable. And be proud of your accomplishments. No one can take away your life experiences from you. And every day you learn something new is a day worth living.

Lesson #9: Be willing to adapt as a person and a professional.

I started my writing journey with no intent to ever sell a book (I mean, maybe I’d give a few away to family or friends). But after taking a writing course, getting some positive feedback, and seeing people’s interest in the topic, I started getting more excited about potential success.

You never know where one courageous step toward a dream will lead you. My end goal of publishing a book is now leading to book clubs, signings, studies, speaking engagements, retreats, sequels, branded apparel, business model adjustments, expansions, and who knows what else!

Your journey may require you to adjust your plans, expand your vision, pivot your steps or expand your path. But all of it will be revealed along the way. The book of life that you are writing is a process. And everything you need to learn will reveal itself along the way.

Lesson #10: Be proud of yourself.

Perhaps the most important, humbling and positive lesson I can share with you is to be proud of yourself. You deserve self-love. You deserve to celebrate your accomplishments and enjoy what comes from the effort you take to follow your calls.

When you try, you cannot fail. Give yourself time and grace when things don’t go as planned. And be thankful that as you become a better, more confident, more whole version of yourself, you will positively influence those around you.

We do not live in a vacuum. Everything we do affects others. And when we are motivated to bring inspiration and goodness to the world through our work and life, we will inevitably bring joy and hope to those who also need it.

To learn more about Empowerment Coaching, the services of All Of The Above, LLC, or to order My Vibrator AND My Rosary, visit our website at or follow us online at bealloftheabove

My Vibrator AND My Rosary: Learning to Love All the Dichotomies of You

As promised in last month's "Free To Be" blog post "12 Keys to Self-Love" , I have an exciting announcement!...


Author: Melissa Gabriella

Editor's Rating:


  • Self-Love
  • Self-Help
  • Writing a Book
Tags :
Self Love |Books |Personal Growth |Self Help |Self-Help |Self-Love |Spirituality |Wellness

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